Hello friends,
If you’re anything like me, you may have found yourself saying these words at various times throughout your life. While I understand there are certain actions that could/should/need to be done in order to move towards a new behavior, I believe that many times we create too many obstacles that prevent us from truly doing the things we want.
Examples like:
I really want to join/rejoin the gym or start running but first…
- I need to be in better shape.
- I need to get through the holidays/my birthday/winter.
- I need to have the right (or ALL) the gear.
I really want to share my art/poetry/writing/music with others but first…
- I need to have a schedule and content laid out in advance.
- I need to have more followers.
- I need to be a better artist/writer/musician.
I really want to start my own business or change careers, but first…
- I need to go back to school and take ALL the courses, certifications, seminars.
- I need to have the perfect business name, logo AND website.
- I need to do more research on my competitors.
I really want to improve my diet and nutrition, but first…
- I need to know exactly what macros I should eat.
- I need to be a better cook or have the right cookbook.
- I need to prioritize meals that my kids will eat.
I really want to save more money, but first…
- I need to make more money.
- I need to find the account with the best savings rate.
- I need to hire a financial planner.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that these needs might be necessary in some instances (yes, please keep your kids fed and please don’t use WebMD to give out medical advice) but how many of us are (un)intentionally setting up roadblocks that are preventing us from taking action? How many times have we set the same goal and sworn that “this year is the year that I …”?
As we begin this New Year where millions of people have set new goals and intentions, you might be realizing that you’ve set the same resolutions year after year. If this isn’t you, then well done! But if it is you then I challenge you to think more about what’s holding you back.
- Is it fear of failure?
- Could it even be fear of success?
- Is it because change is really f*cking hard?
- Is it because your goal/want is too big or unrealistic?
- Is it because you truly don’t even know what you want?
- Or maybe you’re trying to fit into someone else’s idea of what you should do or who you should be?
Personally, I’ve fallen into this trap many times and have answered yes to all of those questions. In fact, this article is only being written because I’ve finally decided to start navigating around some of those self-created barriers. For a while now, I’ve wanted to share my thoughts, feelings and ideas in some way. Yet I kept holding myself back telling myself that I first needed to update my website…which meant that maybe it was time to hire a web designer…which of course meant that I need to research good web designers…but first, let me go get a mani/pedi, walk the dog and make a carrot cake…then I’ll be ready.
Sound familiar? I used all of these obstacles as a way to avoid the hard thing. I realized that I was scared of putting myself out there and because I set these high expectations that everything needed to be perfect before I started.
BREAKING NEWS…I’m not perfect. I know that I’ll have typos and grammatical errors and rambling thoughts and that’s ok. I’m doing something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. And here’s the thing, it didn’t happen in one perfect sitting. It started by resetting my expectations and setting a small attainable goal. For me, that meant scheduling 1hr at 1pm on Wednesdays to write. Yes, that specific. I didn’t know what I would write but my goal was to sit and try. And in full disclosure, I did spend the first 15 minutes just messing with formatting (what font should I use?, what’s the best line spacing?, are margins important?, etc.) but I was proud of myself for doing it. It was a win.
For the longest time I’ve had the following 3 questions taped to my laptop:
I can’t remember where I got these from but I refer to them regularly to help keep me on track. And I share my thoughts and experience here hoping that maybe one other person finds value in this too. You are not perfect. You are not going to get it right every time. You are probably going to start and stop and get distracted (Squirrel!) multiple times. Maybe you’re not ready. And that is totally ok.
But maybe it’s that you’ve set your expectations a touch too high. If anything that I’ve said here resonates with you then I encourage you to pause and reflect on what it is you actually want. Take a look at your obstacles and see if you can find a path around them. Then take one small step in that direction.
Until next time,
Jess
p.s. Feel free to share your small step in the comments or by replying here and I’d be happy to be an accountability buddy!
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Thank for that Jess!!